Better NOT Bitter

After taking a break from coaching, I recommitted to flip my coaching switch from OFF to ON.

I was ready to start coaching again. Fully. Actively. Passionately.

Part of my recommitting involved dusting off my coaching profile in a program where I had previously been “certified”.

I was disappointed to say the least, maybe even insulted – to see my coaching profile was gone. My information was no longer visible on that site. I had been dropped from this site, unknowingly.

There was new information on the site with new requirements for coaches to be listed on the site.  I did not meet those requirements. I had not been actively engaged as the requirements stated.

I had not even been active enough to know these new rules existed.

Was this fair? YES.

Was I disappointed? YES.

Did this feeling suck? YES.

I have had this sucky feeling before. I have been disappointed before.

I worked at my certification (off and on) for 2 years before completing all the requirements.

Once I had received the certification – I was not awarded with beautiful flowers delivered to my home like other coaches had previously received, upon their certifications.  Did I take too long to get certified and now this perk was not being given to new coaches?

So no flowers when I was certified.  And now my coaching profile is missing from the site.  I felt invisible. I felt like I didn’t matter to this organization. I felt like I was running to catch a train that kept leaving without me.

I felt disappointed and conflicted.

I was truly disappointed my information was removed. I had paid good money for many courses and training over the last 10 years.   I was conflicted because every time I have come away from the courses with my life being changed for the better…so every penny I have spent, has been well worth the lessons.

The conflict also comes with everything I have learned in the past 10 years.  The conflict is telling me I need to think differently about this. I need to not let this disappointment derail me.  I can’t let knowing my coaching profile has been removed – derail my forward progress. I need to use my thought training to turn this disappointment into a different feeling, by changing my thoughts.

Here’s the thing…I didn’t know I my profile was missing from this site until long after. I might have been removed well over a year ago…not sure when this happened. Only when I reengaged and looked for my information, did I even know my information was missing.  This reinforces all I have learned in the coaching…my thoughts, make the difference in how I feel.

When I didn’t know and didn’t have any negative thoughts about this – it made no impact on my life. So what do I want/need to think about this to feel better?

The truth is, I had not been actively coaching for several years because I was busy with a full time job and life to pay the bills and keep a roof over myself.   I had also struggled with my own physical health and did not feel like a good example for others to follow for several years. I was not in a good place to offer others a solid path to follow. I have to be a good example for my clients. I have high standards for myself and I cannot fake it til I make it. I need to be real. I need be authentic. I need to truly feel like I am living and doing my best, to help others do the same for themselves.

Maybe not having my coaching information on that site – was a gift for me.  Maybe it was all just the perfect timing for me.

Maybe I was doing exactly what I needed to do, all that time.  Maybe I needed to go through everything I did – to be ready for something great.  Something better.

I pushed through and received my certifications – despite my heart breaking over the loss of my oldest sister. Since my sister’s passing – I have had friends and family diagnosed with cancer and the hurt just kept hurting and hurting.  During much of the hurting I dived into unhealthy eating to escape.  I did not escape.  I hurt an already hurting heart and body, even more.  Diving into unhealthy eating caused me greater harm.

I can’t let awareness of my missing profile derail me. I have to stay the course. My course.

Eighteen years ago, when I was commuting on public transportation for 2.5 hours (one way) to get to work – I had to run 3 times one morning to make my 3 connections. I was dressed up, in heels, lugging my laptop and running – 3 times. That day I told myself – I am not running one more time, to make a connection that didn’t serve me.

Today, feels much like that day.  No flowers. No profile.  Running to catch a train that is not really serving me. Stop.  I stopped running after something not serving me.  I will stop thinking thoughts that don’t serve me.  I will not be derailed by feelings that don’t serve me.

I don’t need to be featured among hundreds of other coaches on a website that is not mine. All the training I have taken has served me well – and has shown me how I use my thoughts for good.  My good.

All that matters now is my own good thoughts, my physical health, my integrity and working with authenticity with my own clients. On my own website.

My first clients started with me 16 years ago – and most of them are still active in my life, in a treasured way.

ALL of them are special and important to me.

I think I need to send them all flowers and let them know how much they mean to me…

I need to use this experience to make me BETTER not BITTER.

“NO Thanks” to Bitter.  I choose BETTER.