Years ago I purchased a domain called www.dailydilemma.com with the intention of building a site someday, to share every day dilemmas. The site has never been built. Daily Dilemma has just been my personal domain I have paid for – for the last 20+ years. It is so personal and so important to me that it was even noted as my property in my divorce agreement over 17 years ago. The name is special to me. The name has great meaning to me. Over the last 20 years, I have called to mind “daily dilemma” regularly. I even have family saying “hey this issue would be good for your daily dilemma thing.”
Each day we face unexpected challenges in life. Some pleasant, some not. With each challenge we can choose how to respond. How we want to move forward.
Yesterday I was hit with something very BIG to me. It might seem trivial to someone else, but to me it is HUGE. And it was not HUGE wonderful. It was the complete opposite. It felt horrible. I felt horrible. I was shaking inside with anxiety, anger, frustration, grief and underneath all that was true sadness. Deep sadness.
It brought to mind the saying – by the amazing Maya Angelou – “You may not remember what a person said to you, you may not remember what a person did to you, but you will never forget how a person made you feel!”
I want to modify this to say I don’t believe anyone has the power to make me feel horrible – but I can feel horrible as a result of things that happen. My initial reaction might be anxiety, anger, frustration, grief. And then ultimately sadness…but then I need to choose how do I want to be. Truly be. How do I want to feel. How do I want to move forward.
The timing of this is no mistake. Today is Valentines Day – A day when we celebrate LOVE. LOVE in all forms, shapes, sizes.
Two weeks ago when this process first started I chose to operate in LOVE. Love for myself. Love for my future. Love for others. Love for gracefully surrendering. I took deliberate steps to operate from a place of Love. I took risks, I made decisions. I made plans with good intentions and I stayed committed to my path. I had thoughts of good intentions and steps with the best of intentions. I believed the best. I acted in the best ways.
I am being tested today. I have not wavered from my path, but now I am being pushed and prodded for more. More that does not feel good. More that feels imposing. More that does not support my graceful surrender on my terms, my time.
As I have been trying to pack my house to move I am so reminded of how if I had a male in my life – how exasperated he would be with me at this point. Any guy would be saying “just pack the box” or more likely “just pack the damn box” as he might see me sifting through old pictures or baby clothes, or old hats…the voice telling me “just pack the box” is what I needed yesterday from a loving partner and I don’t have that right now. I don’t have the voice or the partner.
But I do have Daily Dilemma – in my head – and LOVE in my heart…
Of all the choices I see in front of me:
A) Refuse to allow imposing of any kind – hold a hard line
B) Allow imposing but don’t give in without kicking and screaming
C) Lose another nights sleep over this
D) Pack the damn boxes with LOVE
I choose D.
I will move forward on my path, in the very best way to serve me best.
In the long run I will remember how I made myself feel…
As soon as I made this decision – a delivery I forgot I ordered, arrived at my door…
A priceless voice that came in form of a beautiful folder…
For my new office…
I will make things happen.