Deeply Disillusioned

Many years ago, I had a manager tell me “you get deeply disillusioned.”

His comment was perfectly timed & spot on. I could not have categorized my sentiments at that moment, more perfectly.

I was deeply disappointed with a decision at work – in stark contrast to how I thought things could be.

I had high hopes shattered by executive decisions and directions.

I did not realize, until that moment how deeply invested I was. How hopeful I was. How deeply disillusioned I became – until he said it out loud.

That comment has stuck with me through the years.

At first his comment stung and compounded my hurt. Like something was wrong with me. Like I should not allow myself to get disappointed. Like I should not be so invested. Like I should not be so hopeful.

Over the years I have been gifted new reasons to feel deeply disillusioned.

While being deeply disillusioned still stings and hurts – I have come to be grateful for this feeling.

I am grateful, because it shows I still care.

I still want better.

I still believe in better.

I still get invested.

I have not given up.

There is still a light inside of me that believes in better. A precious light. A positive light.

Being deeply disillusioned shines a light on good work to be done.

Being deeply disillusioned can be the perfect time to double down.