It was early Saturday morning and the dirty containers in my sink was a reflection of my long week. I had not been home long enough to even wash two containers a day…and there was 10 of them, all piled up. My sink looked sad. I felt sad. I felt lonely. I felt alone. My life felt reduced to a sink of plastic containers. I didn’t feel joy. I didn’t feel accomplished. My sink and my life in that moment, felt pathetic.
I put on a pot of coffee. Smelled the great smells of Saturday morning coffee and got out a favorite mug and sipped away.
When a friend contacted me to go do something fun I immediately said “YES!” I got cleaned up for the 6th day in a row, hair and make up and headed out to connect with friends…On they way out I felt better, much better. So much better that I created a connection text for an old beau – but stopped short of sending it to him. I copied and pasted it and texted it to myself. It had great words and I didn’t want to lose my great message 🙂 It was real. It was vulnerable. It was better kept than sent.
I was feeling “as if” I was in a great relationship and I was feeling all the feels. But I didn’t want to start something up that wasn’t right. I kept the feels without the anxiety. There is a reason why he is an “old” beau and not in my life today. I never let go lightly – and I needed to remind myself not to get in over my head.
On the way to meet friends while stopped at a LONG light I could tell the guy in the SUV to my right was staring at me…I turned and sure enough he was staring and he was age appropriate – so I truly felt I wasn’t seeing things not there. The red light was soooo long but I didn’t dare look again. It did make me smile a bit though, along with feeling a bit embarrassed. I laughed when I got through the light thinking about the laws of attraction. That text I wrote and didn’t send, was very powerful.
When I returned home after time with friends and several errands I put the plastic containers to soak in beautiful warm bubbles…and then the magic happened. I rinsed my coffee cup from my morning coffee and put it right on top of all the containers.
The magic was the reminder to not let anything stop me from believing in my dreams…Believing in our Dreams needs to top any hard weeks, any hard hours, any challenges.
Earlier in the day I was sad because all week I felt I had allowed other commitments to consume me, derail me from my dreams, my path, my direction. I felt resentful. I was overly tired. I was missing so much of the life and the people who are so special to me.
On the flip side…there was so much right about those plastic containers. I had not spent one extra dollar all week for coffee or lunch. I had eaten over the top healthy all week, every day. I truly had spent MANY committed hours, more than required. I had made progress. I had treated others well. With respect and kindness. I had made some great connections in very a short amount of time. I had prioritized well and acted like a grown up in meeting my commitments…and when Saturday came I took some time for fun…and then returned my focus to my most precious priorities, my loved ones.
They are the reason I am doing what I am doing. They are the reason I will persevere. They are my reason for feeling grateful not pathetic.
Today, two more containers fill my sink after a long day. But today I am smiling…and feeling grateful for so many reasons. I will not lose sight of my dreams, ever again. Believing in my Dreams will always be on top of my pile.