Imagine & Make It So

How does a house come to be?

It is first imagined, then put on paper, plans created, permits secured and piece by piece, a house is built.

This is the case with anything. It is first imagined. And then steps must be taken to make it so.

For many, many years I have kept the picture above on my refrigerator.

My head – taped on top of this model’s body – wearing a white top I loved.

I was imagining me looking like this.

I bought the white top years ago (and a black one too) – imagining me looking like this for many years.

A year later – I got a fortune cookie from a Chinese take out restaurant in Washington State, after my step dad passed away which read, “You have remarkable power which you are not using.” I taped the fortune underneath the picture to remind me of my remarkable power. This was over 10 years ago…

Unfortunately, 3 more loved ones passed that same year, which sent me on a tailspin of grief. Grief consuming many years.

My “Imagine” picture and the fortune moved to a hidden place on my refrigerator where I could easily ignore them. Years of grief added 50 extra pounds to my body, my heart, my soul. Now my journey to this imagine goal was going to be harder than ever. It was going to take much more effort. My priorities had been placed on a back burner, becoming more and more dim every day. The light was fading and the journey to my goals felt even harder now. I was older. I was heavier. I was more tired.

But I couldn’t give up. I would NOT let myself just give up. Nope. I could not give up, even though the daily fight was not serving me. At times it felt like the fight was killing me. At times I questioned the struggle. Was it worth it? Why don’t I just “settle” and be ok about being heavier, more tired.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t settle. That would be giving up on knowing I could be better, do better. So I started over every morning (for YEARS) with renewed motivation that TODAY would be the LAST day I would eat my feelings away.

Each day I would do well until about 6 pm, when I would succumb to stuffing my feelings with food. The evening diet killers would come rushing out every evening when I was too tired to resist…and I would fall victim once again. Once I took one extra bite, I took two, then three, then closed my eyes and quickly lost count. This sent me on a downward spiral for the remainder of the evening. I would eat 90% of my calories after 6 pm each night…a vicious cycle which did not serve me.

I did not lose weight.
I did not sleep well.
I did not feel good during the day.
I felt beat up every day.
I was a mess.

The fortune was right. I had remarkable power I was not using.

So after years of futile restarts…I committed to do more than just “Imagine” being in that model’s body. I had to stop giving up on me. I had to make me a priority – above all else.

I had to “Make It So”.

Steeped in new grief – with my dearest friend in her last month of life…I knew her passing would take me under if I did not do something different. I knew I had to close the gap between my dreams and my actions. I had to inch closer to my goals with solid small steps, each day.

I was pretty much holding my breath that last month. I had no idea it would be her final month on Earth – but I knew life was fragile. Love was strong, but Life was fragile.

She was fighting, fighting all the way and I believed she would beat cancer. I prayed she would beat cancer. I begged she would beat cancer…and then I got quiet. That last month of her life – I got quiet – very quiet. I found a couple projects to keep my hands busy and began to “Make it So”. I upped my imagining by ordering a 6’ cardboard cutout with my head taped on a new model. The model was wearing a beautiful white fur sweater (which I had hanging in my closet) and great pair of white jeans with pearls…pearl jeans.

I thought I would use the gigantic cardboard cutout to put in front of my kitchen door at night – to stop my evening, eating, frenzies. I only did this one night and the silliness seemed even too silly for me. But it got my attention.

And I started to use my remarkable power for good.

A few weeks later I re-positioned the picture on my refrigerator to be in direct line of site every time I opened the refrigerator. My friend had passed and I needed every motivation I could muster to just get through the day…I looked at the refrigerator picture and my cardboard cutout as one of the last silly memories I had shared with my friend…she was always a kind supporter of my weight loss efforts and my many shenanigans. So these pictures became even more important to me then.

I knew I needed to make every day count to move from “Imagine” to “Make it So”.

I had perfected the art of Imagining for many years. Even believing the picture on the refrigerator was really me. I had been opting out of any real pictures for some time – so this model picture had become my picture of me. I didn’t want real pictures of me because I felt horrible. And I looked worse than I felt.

You can’t feel bad and look good. It just isn’t possible. I lost years of not many pictures of me.

I love my current “Make it So” tour. I have hit new lows (on the scales) I had not seen in over 11 years. And new highs at life’s simplest pleasures. I smile at the cardboard cutout in my office and I laugh out loud thinking what the Comcast guy must have thought when he replaced my modem, just last week.

The refrigerator picture is placed perfectly for me to look at it daily – every time I open the refrigerator. I can look at the fortune from 11 years ago with open eyes and excitement. I am now using my remarkable power for good. I am so excited to embrace the goals I have for me and I am so glad I never gave up on me. I never gave up on my “Imagine” goals. However hard it was to struggle all those years – I am so very grateful I kept my “Imagine and Make It So” goal my priority.

There is nothing worse than turning out the lights on a Dream.

There is nothing better than “Making it So”.