I might have just committed a life changing “NO THANKS”.

I felt immediate relief the first 4 hours after saying “NO THANKS”.
And then fear and doubt came barging into my head shouting…
“What did you just do????”

I said “NO THANKS” to a potential position, the day after an interview.
PEOPLE were great.
COMPANY was great.
LOCATION was great.
MONEY was good.
Everything was FINE..except ME.

I did not feel I could bring my best A game to this opportunity – at this time.

I hadn’t even been offered the job when I asked to be removed from consideration.

I had doubt I could be all the position required – right now.
I don’t feel up to “doing whatever it takes” to be successful in this role, right now.
I don’t feel I can give it my all, at this time.

I have ALWAYS operated on the premise “DO WHATEVER IT TAKES” to be successful.

And I have sacrificed a lot to do whatever it takes.

So is my premise flawed and I really don’t need to do whatever it takes, or am I in fear that I truly can’t do whatever it takes right now ? Or maybe ever again?

Am I too sad right now?
Am I too tired?
Am I too old?

All the “SHOULDS” started flying around my head after the 4 hour mark of saying “NO THANKS” and withdrawing my name from consideration.

Family, Friends, previous co-workers – all MIGHT think I am crazy to walk away from such a good opportunity. They would shake their heads in disbelief.
Why? Why? Why?
Why not hang in there and see if you are offered the position?

The truth is I was honored to be considered.
Honored to be invited to interview.
Honored to meet several people in the company.
And then full of fear.

Fear of being rejected.
Fear of being accepted.
Fear of falling short in this position – at this time.
Fear of giving up on my personal life one more time.

I don’t want to do anything that I can’t do with 200% commitment.
I want to ALWAYS bring my A game…and then some.

My dearest friend passed away recently and our families are deeply intertwined.
I was blessed to have many beautiful years with her.
I am grateful I had extra time with her in her more fragile state.
My heart is broken with her passing.
Life feels very fragile right now.
It feels more important than ever, to spend my time on things that MATTER MOST.

Recently – I have had time to be more involved with own family.
I have had more time to attend school events during the day.
I have been able to pick up loved ones after school in the pouring rain and be blessed with this kind of window artwork…

Maybe my A game is prioritizing my hours for those I LOVE the most.
Maybe my A game is about being passionate about EVERY hour.
Maybe my A game is to be more true to myself, my passions.

One of the questions during the interview was about my communications skills.
I went on (a little too long) about how I LOVE to WRITE.
My response was telling.
To Me.
I could hear myself going on way too much for an interview.
But maybe that was exactly what I needed hear.
For Me.

Maybe I needed to be truly authentic.
Maybe I needed to say exactly what I said.
Maybe my response was perfect.

I DO LOVE to write.
I DO LOVE to coach.
I LOVE to create and coach teams that deliver amazing results.
I LOVE to coach people to help them create phenomenal results.

I do believe my writing and coaching has helped others.
I do believe I am most authentic when I am writing and coaching.
Maybe writing and coaching is my true A game.

Maybe my fear was actually faith – faith in myself.
FAITH in the true passions that fuel me.
FAITH to NOT give up on my passions.
FAITH to NOT put my personal passions on the back burner.
FAITH to NOT wait for “someday” to write that book.

Maybe, just maybe, it is time to exercise 200% commitment to a new “A GAME”.
Maybe it’s time to honor my MOST important passions.
Maybe it’s time to bring My TRUE  “A GAME”  to a brand new field.