The Last Thread

While sewing face masks I used the last thread on an old spool.

I realized the stitches were not taking and thought the bobbin was out of thread…but nope it was the top spool of thread.

A very strange feeling came over me.

In my 50+ years of sewing I have never used a spool of thread to the end.

I have never been interrupted because the top spool of thread ran empty.

I knew to save the spool. It was truly unique.

It wasn’t an old wooden spool like many others in my sewing bin.

The spool was plastic and the thread was white, so a very common use.

But still, this was a new experience for me.

Hours later, I would come to find out someone I have loved for over 25 years, is fighting for his life.

I could not deny a connection between the thread and this alarming news.

With the thread, I had hundreds of spools to choose from to continue on.

With this love I had only one thing to do. Reach out. Send love and prayers. And then cry.

Unlike the sewing – I cannot not fix the health condition. I am truly devastated. This feels horrible. This is so painful for so many reasons.

I don’t want the thread to run out on his life.

I don’t want that for him.

I do pray he will recover and continue on with a new spool of life.

I am truly praying and wishing the best for him.

Maybe it had to come to this. For me. For my heart to truly wish the best for him. Maybe I had to hurt enough to let him go, completely. To truly wish the best for him. Even though his future does not include me.

I have never wanted bad for him. But I never wanted him to find a new love. A different love from me. I loved him. Deeply. I didn’t want us to be apart. But I could not be together like we were. Such conflict in my heart. Sad. Devastated. Grateful. Conflicted.

The day will come when all our lives will run out of thread.

I was grateful my experience of running out of thread was sewing something important. Something to be donated to medical staff at such a critical time in all our lives. During this pandemic.

When the thread ran out I was tired from sewing. I wanted to quit before completing the last 4 masks. I told myself how selfish it felt when I wanted to quit knowing medical workers were working hours on end in grueling conditions to save lives. Our lives. They are holding on to the last threads of their strength to make it through their days. Those thoughts pushed me to finish the last 4 masks I had committed to sending.

I am so grateful I finished. I am so grateful I pushed through the resistance to quit. I have needed that same resolve in other areas of my life.

Love. I wish I hadn’t quit. I wished I would have clung to every thread to save what we had and what I loved so dearly. I wish I would have held on to the last thread. So many years ago.

Instead, now, I must wish him well from afar.
I do sincerely wish the best for him.
In all ways.
I am grateful he has love and support.
I do pray it gives him more life.
I pray he has more spools of threads ahead.
I do wish this for him.
He has a new love now.
I do pray he gets many more spins of the spool in life.
And many more spools in his future.

Maybe this is truly True Love.

When we can want something for someone which does not include us.

I will be forever grateful for true love.

And beyond grateful for truly True LOVE.

My prayers for him to hold on to THE LAST THREAD…of Life and Love.

Don’t let go before the miracle.

NO Thanks to giving up…ever.